Bloody Paper Dolls March 2009

Last night Heather Nikole (HN), Angela Dix (AD) and I opened up a portal and slinked and writhed through it. It was magic. We performed this kind of ritual at the Climate Theater. Right before we walked out onto the stage, HN whispered to us, “remember to be aware of your bodies.” AD and I both murmured our thanks to her and out we went. The stage was bare except for a ladder. Strange music blared from the speakers. At times there were horses neighing or violins screeching or children laughing (Aubrey, the extraordinaire, rocked the soundtrack). AD and I were sewn together at the arm and were dressed like little girls with lace and bows and black and white stockings. HN was a mythical creature with gorgeous face paint (a la Babs): white around her eyes with swirls of color and dots. HN wore a little black vest, with little black pants and big white feathers in her bleached white hair. Stunning. The most stunning part of her ensemble was her gaze; which was intense and unabashed.
AD and I were on the floor with our hands in prayer position. I was whispering prayers and I believe AD was writhing around hornily. She was a naughty girl from the get go, completely in persona and committed. HN cut us free. AD and I turned to face each other and we sucked our thumbs. At one point, AD took my thumb into her mouth and sucked it. I was reminded of that scene in Cape Fear when Juliette Lewis takes Robert DeNiro’s fingers in her mouth. AD is pure sex on stage in the most precocious way.
HN brings us a bowl of blood, a bowl of soapy water, and pieces of white paper that fall from her hands one by one. I begin to cut out paper dolls or geometric shapes which I hand to AD. AD dipped the paper cut outs in blood and layed them out in a circle around us. I remember HN coming up to my side and just absolutely feeling the intensity move around her. Through out the performance, I barely saw HN, but I definitely felt her, as did everyone in the audience. AD carried on letting the blood drip off of our paper dolls. A woman who had seen the show (Sofia la bonita) told me later that the cut outs looked like rows of butchered pigs, which pleased me immensely. I was oblivious to AD’s actions until she unwittingly splattered blood on my arm. I turned to her accusingly and she shoved her bloody hands in between her legs to hide them. I insisted that she show her hands and then I vigorously washed them in the bowl of soapy water. She turned away from me. I crawled up behind her, put my arms around her and told her a secret to make her feel better.
Next, we played with Barbie dolls. Their outfits mimicked mine and AD’s. We played raunchily with the dolls. AD ended up ripping her doll apart and dipping the body parts in blood. Again, I caught her red handed. I lay her down and played doctor with her. Inspecting her and trying to find the root of her malady. I spread her legs apart. I listened to her heart. I looked under her dress. Finally I found something. I cut her dress away from her body and revealed a gaping, bleeding wound at her heart. I am disgusted. I turn away. AD won’t allow me to look away. She hands me the scissors and indicates to me that I must cut my own dress off (we have slips on, mom). I don’t want to. I begin to cry. AD insists. I cut my dress off and reveal my own bloody wound on my chest. This is the part where AD blows my effing mind. She looks me in the eyes and will not let me look away. She holds me with her gaze. Her eyes were so beautiful and it was as though she were telling me everything I needed to know. HN comes to us and initiates the process of us sewing our chests together at the wounds. The needle and thread passes through our wounds about four times. Then, AD licked my face from chin to forehead. Our hands slid up HN’s body and she helped us onto our feet and took us off stage.
It felt good. It felt healing. It felt invigorating. It was an amazing night filled with friends. I feel so supported by my friends to do this kind of strange work. Thank you guys so much (Dave, Nikole, John, Babs, Jonathan, Jason, Traci, Mandie, Sophia, Aubrey, Amy and of course Heather Nikole and Ms. Dix).

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